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Blog Author: Terri Pattio
I'm embarking on a journey to become a social worker. I am studying on a full scholarship to do the Human Services-Family and Child Counseling Bachelor degree and certificate program at University of Phoenix. At first I was not sure if I should veer from Psychology, but it's becoming evident to me that I'm going in the right direction for my self.
I finished my first class that was an introduction to and history of human services in the USA. My new class is Human Systems and Development. These two dynamics occur during a lifespan and are limited by each other. A weak Human System (usually family) can be prohibitive to healthy development in a child. Delayed development puts stress on the family system. There is no vacuum. They are interconnected.
I used to think that my calling was to be a psychologist. But, now that I have a foothold on my personal development, I am seeing the limitations of psychology. For me, I see Social Work making more of an impact on people's lives, as well as their family and work systems.
What good is it for me to help someone become regulated when the rest of their life is chaos? At some point, a person would become burned out in that situation. With the whole situation perspective, I could help people work on themselves while I work to also improve their environment.
In a family the children are only as healthy as the weakest parent. Part of that is due to co-dependent dynamics. But, it makes general sense. That's when I realized that I am supposed to be an expert supporter of my husband rather than obsess over my children.
By better supporting my husband, I've noticed that my kids are getting stronger. Rebellion is just a stage. It's parents paying their dues before the children decide to dole out a lifelong flood of respect and deference.
To aid the child is just a temporary solution. To aid the parent is to give long-term support to the child within the context of the family system. Believe that parents would do better if they knew how or had the support to do so. There is little point in helping children and leaving them with a messed up picture of parenting. By supporting the parents, the children can have a revised, healthier view of parenting and family life.
I've been so blessed lately. I'm finally seeing the fruits of truly (imperfectly) loving my husband. We are able to disagree and not have a ugly fight. We're able to honor each others perspective and grow our trust for each other. It's a self-feeding cycle. The more we go through hard conversations in a healthy way we grow in trust and acceptance for our unique qualities. And since we accept each others uniqueness, we are more willing to talk about things that speak to our dreams and fears.
My marriage mission is to unlock skills and abilities in my husband, to give him space and vision to grow without judgement or comparison, and to understand that he is doing the best he can, even if that best could be confused for lackluster.
I feel like we've made such bounds in 4 years that I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for God's blessing over our marriage and family. Looking back, I see my foolishness as holding our relationship back. If I had seen the error (not necessarily harm) in my ways sooner, we could have reached this point sooner. But then again, I also have to honor my unique path through this life. At least I got here.
Some day, I hope to apply what I've learned through my life and marriage to help families and communities. God has put a huge mission in my hands (a virtual nobody) in this life. But he sees my eternal legacy. I've gone from illegitimate child to legitimate blessing.
I hope this post finds you doing well. It's never too late. You're not done growing. You're one lesson away from doing things better. Just like me. =) Blessings to you~