The number one thing not to write about is
To be or not to be that is the question: William Shakespeare.
If you could ask one question in that precious moment as somebody attempts to take their life, what would that question be?
WHY? I think we know the answer to that question.
Being alone is a terrifying place to be.
You are not alone, You are NOT alone. Reach out and talk to someone.
REACH OUT !!!
In my college days we were told by our english teacher to write a 100 word essay on a topic of choice, it was to be shared with the class the following day.
I was 15 years old and my life had seen it’s deal of crap. I was no stranger to dark thoughts, I chose to write about the topic outlined “Suicide”.
Not for any other reason than I had given this topic lots of thought, not because I wanted to die, simply because I had time to think about it. I enjoyed pulling the process of thoughts apart, it was something I loved to do, it was how I assimilated the events of my life, how I made sense of my troubles, it was how I could project myself in the world, having a clear understanding of who I was. I simply had to pull everything apart.
I was to discover then at a young age that this was a topic when spoken aloud, would get you into a lot of trouble.
This was a topic nobody was ready to tackle,
a topic no body felt they had the expertise to handle,
a topic nobody wanted spoken,
It was a topic that YOU DID NOT TALK ABOUT.
My essay was simply headed ‘Suicide’ My essay Read like this:
“It took a brave person to end their life;
to take your last breath by your own hand was incredibly courageous.
To know at that very moment your breath would end,
no longer would you feel your body respond,
your life force would drain from your being and then suddenly you would be gone.
Can you imagine for one moment,
the courage, the guts needed to contemplate doing this?
The desperation in thought, to be brave enough to go through with this.
The never ending pain that must push someone to the edge to take their own life.
The darkness that would find you so alone,
that you felt there was nobody that understood the most simplest of your thoughts,
So alone that you felt your life was worthless”.
I handed my essay in at the end of class and didn’t think more of it.
I was too discovered then, there were in fact more closed minded, narrow thinking people then I could ever have imagined.
Ordered out of class with no explanation and marched down to the principal’s office I found myself being interrogated as to why I had written on such a topic.
The principal went on to tell me the school did not appreciate a pupils view on suicide, as far as he was concerned I was just being a trouble maker.
My parents would be informed of my obvious misbehaviour and I was ordered to see the school counsellor for counselling.
He went on to say that my view of suicide was twisted and how could I possible think for one moment that these people who comment suicide were at all brave or courageous.
I sat there in the office, the yelling disappeared into the distance, I found myself watching the mouths of these adults spin their excuses for no other reason than they could not cope with this one word, “Suicide”
Observing the reactions, feeling the tensions and anger that was oozing from their bodies, watching as they threw their arms around trying to make sense of how they were going to deal with this issue. All because of my 100 word essay, I couldn’t help but feel saddened and an emptiness creep over me to think that if in the event of a real suicide took place, how would these people ever cope?
How could a school of adults read such disrespect in my essay?
I had no intensions of glorifying suicide, but did not one adult ever consider the balls needed to be able to take your own life. To do it, to actually end your own life.! why was this such a crime to say? I was simply speaking the truth with my words. This was my truth.
There was not a willingness to understand, there was just a fear to acknowledge the topic.
- A topic so in need to be heard.
- A topic so struggling to get a voice.
- A topic so silenced just like the victims.
- it seemed to me no one had learnt anything.
I sat there amused as to how would they possibly communicate this incident to my parents. What would they say, were they going to blow this whole ordeal, this essay out of proportion?
It frightened me as I sat and watched the reactions of the adults around me, their in ability to cope with this one word. “Suicide”
At the end of the day a suicidal person has no time to blame anyone for the way they felt.
- Suicide is a frame of thought.
- Suicide is a projection of thinking.
- Suicide does not blame others.
A place that most people don’t want to go, a place of self reflection.
A place where you must by all accounts examine your position.
I still have that essay.
My essay was written with passion and conviction, being 15 years old my views were that of a typical teenager. Life was not always pleasant, growing up is not always easy.
They learn by opening up the deepest places, and then surviving them.
As adults we have become afraid of the deepest places, we have become conditioned to believe we know longer need to question reasoning, because of this we adults walk a fine line more so than the young minds of a teenager.
My views have broadened, age has given me a better insight but I still hold the same ideas. I wrote that essay in an educational manner, trying to point out risks and thought patterns one would go through to end their life. I realised in this moment, sitting in the principal’s office that people weren’t ready to listen to words of suicide, and this was just the point I was trying to make in my essay, silence helps no-one.
“The darkness that would find you so alone that you felt there was nobody that understand the most simplest of your thoughts”, these adults were behaving just as I had written about. Nobody would take ownership of their own emotions when confronted with topics they do not understand.
I leave you there with these thoughts.
My love and sympathy goes to anyone who has lost someone through suicide, the loss of a loved one is tragic by any means, but I feel suicide being one of the most paralysing.
You must move through the transition to forgiveness, it is in the forgiveness that you will find peace, a moment to rest.
If you are having thoughts of suicide, please talk to someone’
- Need help? New Zealand:0800 543 354
Lifeline New Zealand
- Suicide is often related to untreated depression – but depression is treatable and so are suicidal feelings
- You are NOT alone in your thinking,
- You are not alone in your thoughts.
- There is someone to talk to,
- There is someone who will listen,
- Please trust that someone.
- You know they will be there for you.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
- Pick up the phone,
- Go visit that someone,
- Visit your doctor or seek another help person.
You are not alone, We are Here.
feel free to comment in the comment box below as always I would love to hear from you.
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