To be or not to be that is the question: William Shakespeare.
If you could ask one question in that precious moment as somebody attempts to take their life, what would that question be?
WHY? I think we know the answer to that question.
Being alone is a terrifying place to be.
You are not alone
You are not alone, You are NOT alone. Reach out and talk to someone.
REACH OUT !!!
In my college days we were told by our english teacher to write a 100 word essay on a topic of choice, it was to be shared with the class the following day.
I was 15 years old and my life had seen it’s deal of crap. I was no stranger to dark thoughts, I chose to write about the topic outlined “Suicide”.
Not for any other reason than I had given this topic lots of thought, not because I wanted to die, simply because I had time to think about it. I enjoyed pulling the process of thoughts apart, it was something I loved to do, it was how I assimilated the events of my life, how I made sense of my troubles, it was how I could project myself in the world, having a clear understanding of who I was. I simply had to pull everything apart.
I was to discover then at a young age that this was a topic when spoken aloud, would get you into a lot of trouble.
This was a topic nobody was ready to tackle,
a topic no body felt they had the expertise to handle,
a topic nobody wanted spoken,
It was a topic that YOU DID NOT TALK ABOUT.
My essay was simply headed ‘Suicide’ My essay Read like this:
Suicide
“It took a brave person to end their life;
to take your last breath by your own hand was incredibly courageous.
To know at that very moment your breath would end,
no longer would you feel your body respond,
your life force would drain from your being and then suddenly you would be gone.
Can you imagine for one moment,
the courage, the guts needed to contemplate doing this?
The desperation in thought, to be brave enough to go through with this.
The never ending pain that must push someone to the edge to take their own life.
The darkness that would find you so alone,
that you felt there was nobody that understood the most simplest of your thoughts,
So alone that you felt your life was worthless”.
I handed my essay in at the end of class and didn’t think more of it.
I was too discovered then, there were in fact more closed minded, narrow thinking people then I could ever have imagined.
Trouble
Ordered out of class with no explanation and marched down to the principal’s office I found myself being interrogated as to why I had written on such a topic.
The principal went on to tell me the school did not appreciate a pupils view on suicide, as far as he was concerned I was just being a trouble maker.
My parents would be informed of my obvious misbehaviour and I was ordered to see the school counsellor for counselling.
He went on to say that my view of suicide was twisted and how could I possible think for one moment that these people who comment suicide were at all brave or courageous.
I sat there in the office, the yelling disappeared into the distance, I found myself watching the mouths of these adults spin their excuses for no other reason than they could not cope with this one word, “Suicide”
Observing the reactions, feeling the tensions and anger that was oozing from their bodies, watching as they threw their arms around trying to make sense of how they were going to deal with this issue. All because of my 100 word essay, I couldn’t help but feel saddened and an emptiness creep over me to think that if in the event of a real suicide took place, how would these people ever cope?
How could a school of adults read such disrespect in my essay?
I had no intensions of glorifying suicide, but did not one adult ever consider the balls needed to be able to take your own life. To do it, to actually end your own life.! why was this such a crime to say? I was simply speaking the truth with my words. This was my truth.
Behind the thinking
There was not a willingness to understand, there was just a fear to acknowledge the topic.
- A topic so in need to be heard.
- A topic so struggling to get a voice.
- A topic so silenced just like the victims.
- it seemed to me no one had learnt anything.
I sat there amused as to how would they possibly communicate this incident to my parents. What would they say, were they going to blow this whole ordeal, this essay out of proportion?
It frightened me as I sat and watched the reactions of the adults around me, their in ability to cope with this one word. “Suicide”
At the end of the day a suicidal person has no time to blame anyone for the way they felt.
- Suicide is a frame of thought.
- Suicide is a projection of thinking.
- Suicide does not blame others.
For those people left behind after a person has committed suicide it suddenly presents a totally new expression of emotions, emotions that are wrapped up with self examination.
A place that most people don’t want to go, a place of self reflection.
A place where you must by all accounts examine your position.
I still have that essay.
My essay was written with passion and conviction, being 15 years old my views were that of a typical teenager. Life was not always pleasant, growing up is not always easy.
Young minds question everything, this is what they do.
They learn by opening up the deepest places, and then surviving them.
As adults we have become afraid of the deepest places, we have become conditioned to believe we know longer need to question reasoning, because of this we adults walk a fine line more so than the young minds of a teenager.
My views have broadened, age has given me a better insight but I still hold the same ideas. I wrote that essay in an educational manner, trying to point out risks and thought patterns one would go through to end their life. I realised in this moment, sitting in the principal’s office that people weren’t ready to listen to words of suicide, and this was just the point I was trying to make in my essay, silence helps no-one.
Bullying Damages Physical, Mental Health of Victims.
“The darkness that would find you so alone that you felt there was nobody that understand the most simplest of your thoughts”, these adults were behaving just as I had written about. Nobody would take ownership of their own emotions when confronted with topics they do not understand.
Freedom to Feel
I leave you there with these thoughts.
My love and sympathy goes to anyone who has lost someone through suicide, the loss of a loved one is tragic by any means, but I feel suicide being one of the most paralysing.
You must move through the transition to forgiveness, it is in the forgiveness that you will find peace, a moment to rest.
If you are having thoughts of suicide, please talk to someone’
- Need help? New Zealand:0800 543 354
Lifeline New Zealand
Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a weekLanguages: EnglishWebsite: www.lifeline.co.nzThis is an interesting article Psychiatry.
- Suicide is often related to untreated depression – but depression is treatable and so are suicidal feelings
- You are NOT alone in your thinking,
- You are not alone in your thoughts.
- There is someone to talk to,
- There is someone who will listen,
- Please trust that someone.
- You know they will be there for you.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
- Pick up the phone,
- Go visit that someone,
- Visit your doctor or seek another help person.
You are not alone, We are Here.
Here are Media guideline for suicide.
feel free to comment in the comment box below as always I would love to hear from you.
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10:18 pm on July 6th, 2015
Chur Rhonda that was a well written part of your teenage years that was way ahead for that time hahaha totally cool perspective on suicide that no one really wants to talk about aye Chur.I remember I had a project at college and my subject was Death hahaha I went to a funeral parlour and asked them if they could talk to me about how they deal with Death wow right that’s when my fascination with think outside the box started then hahaha chur
12:14 pm on July 7th, 2015
…. laugh out loud…You’ve got to have people like us in the world aye Missy, those few that question everything…LOL
12:52 am on July 7th, 2015
Thank you for writing this blog. It is very badly needed in today’s world.
12:27 pm on July 7th, 2015
Thanks Shaun I couldn’t agree with you more. We all need to get our heads out of the sand and realise that this is a pressing issue that so needs to be opened up and talked about. Each and every one of us have somehow had a connection to suicide in our lives, whether by someone we know or have heard of. Talking about it might take away the stigma of mental illness and bring it out into the open as an every day reality because that is exactly what it is. Regards Rhonda
4:03 am on July 7th, 2015
My birth father committed suicide. Even to this day I haven’t really processed what that means. I was 5. All I knew was that one day he was there and the next day a nurse was telling me he was gone. To this day I still don’t have an emotion to attach to that moment. I was very matter-of-fact about it. Life went on. It had to.
I’m not too sure however that I would call what he did brave … I think he was just hurting so much and the only way to ease his pain was to go.
Sadly he had reached out to the medical profession & had been admitted to hospital … but somehow … when he got out … things didn’t go well.
And that’s a story for another day.
Thank you for writing about this subject … and yes … as Shaun mentioned … it is a subject that needs to be discussed.
We were never really allowed to discuss it … it was almost as if it never happened.
12:43 pm on July 7th, 2015
Thanks Erica that’s a very personal experience on the topic, thank you so much for sharing!
Yes I understand you when you say, “we were never really allowed to discuss it, it was almost as if it never happened.” To often in the past this has indeed been the way people have dealt with the topic. It’s such a frightening issue to discuss for most people, death in general is somewhat of a “no no” in conversation.
We now live in 2015, we have had missile threats, bomb threats, human life is lost everyday in war,we go to the airport and have to be scanned, body searched and swabbed, and why incase we are going to kill someone, plant a bomb or hijack the plane. Seriously and no body wants to talk about suicide…….??? something is not right here. Regards Rhonda
4:21 am on July 7th, 2015
Great post, and I understand what you mean about brave/courage bc it is a huge act. And one thing to your point is that I found something I was going to post, it said, “… because someone who was depressed suddenly appears to be happy, it doesn’t mean they’re past it, it could mean they’ve got the suicide planned” …
…and this happened in 2 cases I’ve been close to, but when it came to my courage to post it, I didn’t bc I know the reaction is that it’s negative stuff to post about (it is but that doesn’t stop the fact that it could be helpful info for someone dealing with a depressed loved one).
Thanks for openly posting on the topic.
XO, Zen
12:58 pm on July 7th, 2015
Thanks Zen there is no other way to deal with this topic if we are truly going to get a handle on it and save lives, it must be talked about. People don’t want to die, they quite simply can’t see another alternative that suits. People don’t always want to talk about their problems do you? I don’t.
I am sorry to hear that you have experienced 2 people taking their lives, I to have known someone take his own life, he left behind a partner and 2 small children. It truly and simply was a decision and choice by that individual to do this, no one had any idea of his depression or plan, So we never know what anyone is truly thinking, happy or sad makes no difference. The way I view it, if we talk about it more, people might feel safe to discuss their private thoughts more openly. regards Rhonda
4:48 am on July 7th, 2015
Wow.
As I am beginning to see, you love to tackle those ‘Hard’ topics that others are not up for but should be thinking about.
As a young person, I admit to having suicidal thoughts primarily because I didnt follow the status quo … I was ever the rebel. I was always in trouble because I thought differently, questioning everything, thinking outside the box, creating a nuisance for my teachers and parents. This stemmed from my imagination and creative abilities and the fact that I read an amazing amount of various older / mature reading material. Books were always my escape from religious oppression… my father being a minister really didnt help much. Lol.
I think my leaving school and that whole regimented style of learning was my saving grace. I also believe that walking away from my fathers religious fervour was also a big help in my still being here today
Life is about the choices we make and the strength of purpose to walk the path that we choose. Death is the end of that journey and even though I believe your view that it takes incredible strength of purpose to take ones life … I valued my path more than not being able to experience as much of what is beautiful in life, more than giving over to Death.
Thank you Rhonda for writing this blog. It does indeed seem to be the last taboo subject but, It needs to be opened up and discussed.
1:10 pm on July 7th, 2015
What a beautiful comment and warm response Rodney, now that one hit home, perhaps I felt I was looking in the mirror at times when reading this. “Life is about the choices we make and the strength of purpose to walk the path that we choose.” oh so true Rodney, like you I valve my path and believe all the crap builds your character. If we could bottle some of that strength and place it with the preserves and open up a jar when we were feeling a little low on energy that would be great…. giving over to death well I think we all have to much to do and to much to see, life is short enough how it is..Thanks again Rodney.. Regards Rhonda
8:17 am on July 7th, 2015
Wow! Powerful subject and another subject people do not want to discuss. I have had some exposure to this in my world but it is something that many people put in the “too painful to deal with” pile in their IN basket (thought process). Another great post appreciated – thank you.
1:14 pm on July 7th, 2015
Hi Nancy like every single person here you are not alone… this is the point I am making in my article, such a common reality but so little said about it. I am pleased you appreciated my post,thank you Nancy means a lot to me to have people acknowledge the fact that it needs discussing.. this topic holds so much pain for so many people lets open it up and set it free..Regards Rhonda
8:45 am on July 7th, 2015
wow – yes powerful topic… I have no experience with suicide and I’ve never felt I wanted to do it, either but for whatever reason I have amazing compassion about it.. Knowing I couldn’t do it – I do think its brave… and I think its just awful that those people are in such a place that they are not thinking about the incredible hurt of those left behind… I have a friend whose father committed suicide, I think she was pregnant at the time too… so I can’t image how it feels to lose a parent or child or anyone to it.. I know if it were me, part of me would feel I’d failed.. although I know that would not be the case. Thanks for sharing Rhonda, what a emotive subject ..
1:38 pm on July 7th, 2015
Thanks Helen, thanks kindly for your comment, I agree with you Helen when you say the amount of trauma those left behind go through is enormous, in some cases so enormous that people are unable to work through it. I believe some people have immunity to suicidal thoughts while others are plagued with them, It’s certainly a very personal journey. Thanks Helen appreciate your comments always. regards Rhonda.