When I was growing up in Long Island, Bahamas as a teenager, we didn't have all the technology and means of communication common place today. No social media, computers, tablets, smartphones or HD television with 24-hour news coverage. We had a simple old-fashioned, tube, shortwave radio. It was a huge monster! Weekly, we got copies of the newspaper from the capital city. The most interesting and exciting part was always the "Funnies". For those to young to remember, the "Funnies" were the comic strips. Who could forget Charlie Brown and Lucy in "Peanuts"?
“I love mankind - it’s people I can’t stand.” says Charlie Brown, in Charles Schulz’ timeless comic strip.
Charlie Brown had a important point: relationships with other human beings are beautiful – in theory. In reality, they can be difficult and messy. Conflict is a normal part of any healthy relationship. After all, two people can’t be expected to agree on everything, all the time. But nothing determines our success in our personal lives and in business as much as our ability to interact and work with other people.
Let’s focus on six positive ways to handle conflict:
1. Focus on what you have in common. John Maxwell calls it “The 101 Principle. “Find the 1% that you agree on and give it 100% of your effort.” We often talk too much the argument and too little about the areas of agreement. Finding areas of agreement is one of the best ways to move conflict toward resolution. Our priority should be resolution of the conflict rather than winning or “being right.”
2. Elevate people above opinions. We all know those people who would fight to the death in defending their opinions. We can love our opinions so deeply that we destroy our friends and those we love dearly. How many family relationships have been shattered because one party loved his opinion above his/her partner? Maintaining and strengthening the relationship, rather than “winning” the argument, should always be our primary focus. Be respectful of the other person and his or her viewpoint. Anthony Weston says it best, “It isn’t a mistake to have strong views. The mistake is to have nothing else.”
3. Pick Your Battles. Everything is not worth the expenditure of time and energy.
Maybe you don't want to surrender a parking space if you’ve been circling for 15 minutes, but if there are dozens of empty spots, arguing over a single space isn’t worth it. Thomas Jefferson famously said, “In matters of principle, stand like a rock. In matters of taste, swim with the current.” Ask yourself two important questions: “Does this really make a difference?” and “Will I care about this tomorrow?” If you answer “no,” then perhaps you can compromise on your position.
For the full blog post and a great resource for marital
conflict visit here.
Secure your financial future and reduce conflict here
Comments
Awesome article Stephen. Thanks for sharing these effective ways of handling Conflict. I like the 101 Principle by Hon Maxwell. Find the 1% and put in the effort to reach 100%. Liked and Shared.
Also, thanks got your comment. In light of the Trayvon Martin tragedy, it is evident that many people still need to develop conflict resolution skilll in the home, business, sports and wider society.
Loved reading this post Stephen and you should always build that relationship first - loved it. !! Have shared for you.
Stephen the part in this post I liked best is "Maintaining and strengthening the relationship, rather than “winning” the argument, should always be our primary focus. Be respectful of the other person and his or her viewpoint." This is so true and I am sharing this post for more people to read. I believe if people would all do this, then the world would be so great. Thank you for posting this today.
It's okay now Stephen.
Stephen it appears something is wrong with the page editor. I will check into this matter. Thank you for bringing it to my attention.
I can't seem to get the correct spacing of the paragraphs. Can someone help?