How well do you know yourself? Are you trying to be someone you're not or be someone other people want you to be? Are you trying to be a copy of another person or a representation of your full self?

It makes me think about the years my adoptive father (who was Irish) insisted that I wear green on St. Patrick's Day. God bless his heart, but I was not resonating with who God made me. 

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It occurred to me after a conversation that I had overcome my stress-load in my life. The stress isn't reduced as much as I've taken steps to subdue it. I feel a lot better these days since I realized that what I was doing was working. 

Read on by clicking below:

Be the Boss of your Stress

But will probably be the most popular- because God made me write it. And a wise woman (T.P.)  told me to post it to my website. =)

Premise: It hit me the other day that I had the responsibility to tell part of my story... the part that no one wants to become "part of their story." It's basically a piece of my writing that hopes to diminish people's fear of rejection. Although my experiences were much out of my control, a lot of people avoid their fears. But sometimes life calls us to stare it straight in the wolf face. =)

Blessings~

Fierce Love - According2Meredith

I had an EPIC day of parenting yesterday. But in truth it was the culmination of a bunch of teachable moments that I shared new ideas and perspectives with my special needs (step)son. I wanted to share that I am finally seeing results with all of the love and attention I've put into his wellbeing. It was nice to partner up with God for this particular "mission." Blessings~

CLICK THE LINK TO READ THE REST. Thank you~

According2Meredith

to some people... who are close minded, unteachable, judgmental and wounded (that's about all of us, huh).

I've been in online discussions on social media as well as in my online college classes that have become inflamed. Some of it was a gender issue, some of it was cultural clashes. Many times benign things can be huge to wounded people, myself included.

I wish someone had laid it out like this for me ages ago. I could have spared myself some energy, well-being and heartache. 

READ ON>>>

From living with a chronically depressed spouse and traumatized children, I've observed the things that can be toxic to our well-being.

That is the premise for: http://according2meredith.blogspot.com/2015/02/emotions-are-tempting.html

Blessings to you all~

I have a technical problem with my left wrist/hand. It is of the pain sort.

I will be regularly writing again.

I am also going to volunteer my time for the 2016 presidential campaign. Yes, I have reached that age. LOL  Hope you all have been well.

Here is my fresh post: Relational Grit

Blessings to You.

I just took this personality profile (not selling, just mentioning of my own volition) today on http://www.projectfascination.com. It reported that I'm an "Ace" with core strengths of alertness and power without dominance. It says I'll be more likely to use my influence to advocate for others. Well, let me tell ya! I got that compulsion today.

I was reading some activity in a support group I'm a part of. Iwas very taken aback at a lady's post saying that people were being too negative. Without breaking privacy of the group or matter of the group, it is involved with special needs families and their moment to moment struggles that are very uncommon to the public.

I didn't want to lash out at the lady because I'm supposed to support all of the members but I did say that we have a role to support each other knowing that that might be the only place we get it. The particular "issue" is severely isolating and so any group involvement is good, in my lay opinion. I was nearly shunned in my church because of this "special need."

I approached the thread with a social worker mindset (in training, smile). I continued that we should be as charitable to each other as possible because some people could very well be in crisis.

If AA or Al-anon or any related format peer support group were anything close to what I read/observed in the group today, I doubt they would do much good at all. I almost left the group. I almost started a new thread: "Leaving group, friend me if you want support."

Thank God for the delete button. I spoke up for the underdog, infused optimistic belief in people who so desperately needed it and backed out.

Anyways, I hope this post finds you having a great day with awesome weekend plans. And, advocate for the next person that needs it. Blessings to you~

I'm so thankful that I don't have depression. I used to struggle with it. But, it is not a burden for me anymore. I've been proactive and do things that help me improve the way I think about myself and my life. I have a level peace with everything behind me and everything before me in the future.

I learned from an early age that nobody was going to help me especially if I didn't take responsibility. It is my ship that I have to steer in the ocean of my emotions in the situation of my life. It was a lonely and long road to figure out how to master my ship. I barely remember what it was like anymore. I am blessed.

It is so different for me as I attempt to support my family through their rough spots. I've done my best to help them keep a baseline. When they say things that are over the top critical of themselves, I reject it out loud. I felt led to confront those non-truths right away. But, it doesn't always work, to my chagrin.

My biggest hurdle as a helper is to not take the whole responsibility of the results, only my portion. It's something I struggle with on an ongoing basis. But I'm starting to learn, by trial and error, how to replace those phrases that I reject with something truthful and positive. It's still up to the person to take the bait.

For me, it's hard to stand by and watch the people I love suffer from bouts of depression. I continue to wonder, how can I sell health to a person who doesn't grab for it?

I let that lady and her two kids cross the road even though I had the right of way. It was not my idea... it was God's idea. I was in the air conditioned car and she was in the squelching heat with her kids. I'm glad I didn't cause a car accident. I did my random act of kindness (Wed.) I probably should have handed them some bottled water but I didn't have any. Note to self. =)

Abandonment is not exclusive to orphans. The lady told me so.

Children abandoned by one parent

Children of Divorces with Sole Custody

Children Living with Emotional Abandonment

Children Living with Parents Enmeshed with Addictions

http://according2meredith.blogspot.com/2014/07/equal-opportunity-pain.html

I'm in the stage of life where I want people to believe in me. They don't need to inflate who I am. But if I claim that I will do "x," then give me the opportunity to prove me right. ^^

So, it kind of happened this morning. I was telling my stepson that if he used more words that his social situations would be more positive and less full of stress. I was telling him that he didn't have to talk perfectly, but that to leave out the words is like trying to solve a puzzle with half the clues. We are bad mind readers.

Well this morning, he finally answered me! And I acknowledged the shift and I praised him. I noticed how calm we BOTH were. Go figure! I feel like we've wasted so much time with this nonverbal dance that just drives most people crazy.

He was also complaining in the car that it was hot. I assured him I was doing the best I could to cool things down and that I also felt it. I managed to get out of him that what bothered him the most was having his face feel hot. Though I couldn't do much about it, he felt better communicating that to me.

I've also been more intentional about voicing my assumption of good intentions when talking to my kids... like "I know you were protecting the baby, is there something else you could have done?" I'm trying to instill problem solving skills by having the kids come up with more than one solution and using their critical thinking to make a choice.

It's all skills building. It won't change over night. But each small step is just as important and is confidence building. Every time my kids solve problems on their own I give them lots of praise. If they say things that interest others, I praise their social skill.

Anyhow... all of those parenting things I pleaded my kids to just take my word for... they have started and I have been proven right! =) Maybe they'll have more faith in me in the future. Maybe.

My Father-In-Law.

Despite all the periods of time in my marriage where others were pointing the finger at me and shutting me out, he was the one person (in the family) that spoke kindness and understanding to me. I wish I had leaned on that reality much sooner as it could have made the last four years much easier.

It all started with "Thank you for loving my son and grandsons." That appreciation will never be forgotten.

Then, he'd send me articles he thought I'd like of FB. He was always gentle and positive. Something my other "fathers" did not show me often. Recently I found out he likes opera music like me. So cool, knowing we're 30 yrs apart in age.

And everything was sealed in my heart last night as I overheard a phone call my husband had with him. He was talking about someone ten years his senior and mentioned his physical condition being rough. He was being thoughtful toward that person.

It really softened my heart. Whether or not that spoken realization came from a conflict with that other person or not, I'll choose to think it was from him and his heart. What a great man to have in my husband and my life. He's not perfect. No one is.

It makes me think that he has been caring for us as a family knowing how difficult it can be to be a stepparent. He has probably been met with similar criticism and blind bias as I had. It's nice to know I have someone willing to think the best of me. I am so blessed.

If my husband was carved off of his father's block, I see him becoming even a more righteous and quality man than I know today. It's been an honor doing this life journey with my husband despite our rough patches of the past and to come.

I wish this for you all...

I was having a conversation with my handsome husband over the past few days. I was asking him if he saw what I saw in a "corner" of our situation. Although he had never thought about it before I mentioned it, he agreed with my insight.

Sometimes we get the best support in the least expected places. Sometimes things that we think are weaknesses turn out to make us (and others in similar positions) to become much stronger. Sometimes the "unsung heroes" are the "true heroes."

I had this thought that perhaps what I'm experiencing has not started with me. And I, for a moment, thought about the other people that I might be able to empathize with. I started to appreciate people more than I already did. I love the moments when I can cherish someone that much more.

It's beautiful to see the rejected become the most protective and attentive. It's beautiful to see the "slow people" be the "slow to anger" people as well. It's a blessing to finally lift the biased veil off of the things that many people would not accept.

I am thankful for the people who have been challenges in my life, because it gives me that much more appreciation for the people who've spoken life into my spirit. Proving to me, that sometimes the unexpected is better.

I hope you can resonate with this post over the course of your life. It is where I really notice how blessed I am. Starting off as an illegitimate child, I think I can only go up from there. =)

Many blessings and good wishes to you~

Sometimes I'm breathless by the "emotional want" in our next generation. I wish I could be there for all the kiddos. They know there is no gadget that can replace human validation. They do not yet know, that God is the source of validation.

It was nice to have a visit from a neighborhood middle schooler last night. I hope I "filled her up." She seems to enjoy being at our house between being "grounded."

I'll be the guardian angel. =)

Four assumptions that will HELP with your current and future relationships, if you have the ears to hear. Please see the rest of this post on the link. Read on...

A decade ago, I was in a totally different place. I was in my first marriage, with a little baby and we were so poor. My husband worked as an art teacher in a high school and I was trying to find work that would be worth the child care cost. He was an alcoholic and so you know how that goes. The whole house was in chaos: finances, our marriage, our "family life", our health, everything was unsure.

As an adopted person, "unsure" is very scary to me. We lived paycheck to paycheck. I wasn't sure if my husband was going to walk out on me and my daughter. He basically isolated himself from us, like the plague. What was so horrible about his young attractive wife and his angel baby?

He pawned valuables just to get money to go to the bars. He'd get so drunk he'd insult me in front of everyone. At one point we owed the bank $200. So, we finally got the cash and brought it to the bank. The teller dutifully registered our deposit and mistakenly handed the $200 dollars back to my husband in error.

When we got home, I felt a tug on my conscience. I knew we needed that money. I knew that that money was not "ours." So I approached my husband (of the time) to give that money back. He didn't want to but he said I could to see how strong I could be. I guess he figured that he could pressure me out of it.

Well, I did go back to the bank WITH that money to return it. My character was untarnished. I'd righted that situation. I'd preserved the homeostasis of that transaction: our poverty, the teller's job, the bank's wealth. At least I didn't let my sense of character decay.

After that occasion, I ended up divorcing the alcoholic husband for neglecting our child while I was working. He would be blacked out drunk when I came home from work with my child crying over his snoring corpse. The torture was in him not remembering his awful deed. More than once...

But, I sowed the seeds into God's Kingdom on earth, or Karma, whatever you want to call it.  Not long after giving that money back, I got hooked up with a free (expensive) trip to go to Korea, my homeland, to reunite with my biological family.

When I met my current husband, we were pretty poor also. But we were working together and making great decisions in life. The kids had what they needed, all without public assistance (not judging). And, a little over a year after we started dating, I got an inheritance from my estranged grandmother. I was not expecting any money. But- let me tell you...

We turned that small inheritance into paying off our debts, owning our cars and the like. We quadrupled our square footage within 2 moves. We went from 800sft apartment to 1600sft rental home to our home right now that is 3300sft! We have too much. So much that it takes a long time to put everything back. I actually want to give most of our stuff away.

All that to say, that God, Karma, the Universe was faithful to my honesty that one day. I didn't steal and I got it back in spades. Even if I didn't get that inheritance, I know we would have made a beautiful life together. It was just the icing on the blessing cake.

I wish all of that for you, my friends. Misery is only temporary. Blessing has no limit. Be at peace today. <3

I'm embarking on a journey to become a social worker. I am studying on a full scholarship to do the Human Services-Family and Child Counseling Bachelor degree and certificate program at University of Phoenix. At first I was not sure if I should veer from Psychology, but it's becoming evident to me that I'm going in the right direction for my self.

I finished my first class that was an introduction to and history of human services in the USA. My new class is Human Systems and Development. These two dynamics occur during a lifespan and are limited by each other. A weak Human System (usually family) can be prohibitive to healthy development in a child. Delayed development puts stress on the family system. There is no vacuum. They are interconnected.

I used to think that my calling was to be a psychologist. But, now that I have a foothold on my personal development, I am seeing the limitations of psychology. For me, I see Social Work making more of an impact on people's lives, as well as their family and work systems.

What good is it for me to help someone become regulated when the rest of their life is chaos? At some point, a person would become burned out in that situation. With the whole situation perspective, I could help people work on themselves while I work to also improve their environment.

In a family the children are only as healthy as the weakest parent. Part of that is due to co-dependent dynamics. But, it makes general sense. That's when I realized that I am supposed to be an expert supporter of my husband rather than obsess over my children.

By better supporting my husband, I've noticed that my kids are getting stronger. Rebellion is just a stage. It's parents paying their dues before the children decide to dole out a lifelong flood of respect and deference.

To aid the child is just a temporary solution. To aid the parent is to give long-term support to the child within the context of the family system. Believe that parents would do better if they knew how or had the support to do so. There is little point in helping children and leaving them with a messed up picture of parenting. By supporting the parents, the children can have a revised, healthier view of parenting and family life.

I've been so blessed lately. I'm finally seeing the fruits of truly (imperfectly) loving my husband. We are able to disagree and not have a ugly fight. We're able to honor each others perspective and grow our trust for each other. It's a self-feeding cycle. The more we go through hard conversations in a healthy way we grow in trust and acceptance for our unique qualities. And since we accept each others uniqueness, we are more willing to talk about things that speak to our dreams and fears.

My marriage mission is to unlock skills and abilities in my husband, to give him space and vision to grow without judgement or comparison, and to understand that he is doing the best he can, even if that best could be confused for lackluster.

I feel like we've made such bounds in 4 years that I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for God's blessing over our marriage and family. Looking back, I see my foolishness as holding our relationship back. If I had seen the error (not necessarily harm) in my ways sooner, we could have reached this point sooner. But then again, I also have to honor my unique path through this life. At least I got here.

Some day, I hope to apply what I've learned through my life and marriage to help families and communities. God has put a huge mission in my hands (a virtual nobody) in this life. But he sees my eternal legacy. I've gone from illegitimate child to legitimate blessing.

I hope this post finds you doing well. It's never too late. You're not done growing. You're one lesson away from doing things better. Just like me. =) Blessings to you~

Human USB

Connection is vastly under appreciated and scientifically proven to have numerous benefits. They are still discovering more of what happens, decreases and increases in our physical and metaphysical bodies involving touch, synchrony and communication- all dealing with connection.

Please read on to my post. Human USB (same as header link). Thank you in advance! You are the good in the world that I cherish despite the hard times. Blessings.