A decade ago, I was in a totally different place. I was in my first marriage, with a little baby and we were so poor. My husband worked as an art teacher in a high school and I was trying to find work that would be worth the child care cost. He was an alcoholic and so you know how that goes. The whole house was in chaos: finances, our marriage, our "family life", our health, everything was unsure.
As an adopted person, "unsure" is very scary to me. We lived paycheck to paycheck. I wasn't sure if my husband was going to walk out on me and my daughter. He basically isolated himself from us, like the plague. What was so horrible about his young attractive wife and his angel baby?
He pawned valuables just to get money to go to the bars. He'd get so drunk he'd insult me in front of everyone. At one point we owed the bank $200. So, we finally got the cash and brought it to the bank. The teller dutifully registered our deposit and mistakenly handed the $200 dollars back to my husband in error.
When we got home, I felt a tug on my conscience. I knew we needed that money. I knew that that money was not "ours." So I approached my husband (of the time) to give that money back. He didn't want to but he said I could to see how strong I could be. I guess he figured that he could pressure me out of it.
Well, I did go back to the bank WITH that money to return it. My character was untarnished. I'd righted that situation. I'd preserved the homeostasis of that transaction: our poverty, the teller's job, the bank's wealth. At least I didn't let my sense of character decay.
After that occasion, I ended up divorcing the alcoholic husband for neglecting our child while I was working. He would be blacked out drunk when I came home from work with my child crying over his snoring corpse. The torture was in him not remembering his awful deed. More than once...
But, I sowed the seeds into God's Kingdom on earth, or Karma, whatever you want to call it. Not long after giving that money back, I got hooked up with a free (expensive) trip to go to Korea, my homeland, to reunite with my biological family.
When I met my current husband, we were pretty poor also. But we were working together and making great decisions in life. The kids had what they needed, all without public assistance (not judging). And, a little over a year after we started dating, I got an inheritance from my estranged grandmother. I was not expecting any money. But- let me tell you...
We turned that small inheritance into paying off our debts, owning our cars and the like. We quadrupled our square footage within 2 moves. We went from 800sft apartment to 1600sft rental home to our home right now that is 3300sft! We have too much. So much that it takes a long time to put everything back. I actually want to give most of our stuff away.
All that to say, that God, Karma, the Universe was faithful to my honesty that one day. I didn't steal and I got it back in spades. Even if I didn't get that inheritance, I know we would have made a beautiful life together. It was just the icing on the blessing cake.
I wish all of that for you, my friends. Misery is only temporary. Blessing has no limit. Be at peace today. <3